𝗜𝗳 𝗜’𝗺 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝗸𝗲𝘆𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲, 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴’𝘀 𝘄𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴.

Recently, I’ve been paying more attention to how I feel before, during and after I present.

There’s a clear predictable pattern:

• The night before I sleep badly because my mind is racing with ideas — often those which turn out to be the best-received parts of my session

• Right before I go on stage, I need a few moments to gather myself and calm my nerves

• Mid-talk, my inner-voice unhelpfully shows up: 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶?

• Afterwards, I’m absolutely exhausted.

I used to think these were problems I needed to fix. 

But now I see them as helpful signals.

If the nerves aren’t there, I don’t care enough. If the doubt has gone, I’m phoning it in. If I’m not exhausted, I didn’t give my all. 

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴’𝘀 𝘄𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴; 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆’𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻𝘀 𝗜’𝗺 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗶𝗻.

Now I know that, I feel weirdly reassured.

And If that's the cost of doing work I'm actually invested in, I'll take it.

Just me, or does this happen to you?